"Lords of SpaceTime"
In the 1600’s squirrel had become a delicacy, which was unfortunate because current squirrel populations at the time did not meet the needs of the squirrel eating community. So in the face of their’ own destruction the squirrel counsel met and decided to let mankind in on one of the biggest secrets of the universe. So a spokesman was chosen and the squirrel observed man and decided Isaac Newton was the most intelligent of all the physicists. So the spokesman squirrel (deemed the Prometheus squirrel by modern day scientist) met with Isaac Newton gaining his attention by throwing an apple at his head. The Prometheus squirrel then explained that squirrels are reasonable for something called gravity. The squirrel made Isaac Newton promise that he would tell the rest of mankind and put a stop to squirrel poaching. Isaac promised he would, but secretly he felt that the truth gave the squirrels far too much credit and later told mankind about “his” findings leaving out the very important detail about the squirrels; instead using the term “force”. And with that single act of treachery the squirrels went into hiding, and didn’t speak to another human for three hundred years.

In the 1900’s, the squirrels noticed the work of Albert Einstein and decided to trust him with the secrete. So a squirrel spokesman told Albert in greater detail, exactly how squirrels shape all space and time, the result of which creates gravity and holds the universe together. Einstein of course promised to tell the rest of mankind. But instead the squirrels were burned again. Einstein reworded it, thinking people might think he was crazy telling the world squirrels sculpt space and time. He only told people gravity is not a force, it is just a reaction of distortions in space time. The squirrels agreed never again to talk to physicists.

And that was the last major breakthrough in mankind’s understanding of gravity and space time until one day a secrete page of Einstein’s dairy was found that spoke of his conversation with the squirrels. The scientific community was aghast with the shocking evidence that was provided that pretty much proved this was the truth. Despite these shocking findings, many skeptical scientists believed that “Because gravity exists throughout the entire universe and squirrels only exists on earth then they cannot possibly be the cause of gravity.” One of these scientists designed an experiment to prove that theory was true. He set out to make an isolated environment that wouldn’t be effected by squirrels and there for would have no gravity. The experiment was a success, the scientist put some cake inside a the SEDC (Squirrel Effect Deprivation Chamber) (essentially a card board box with some dials drawn in sharpie) which had no squirrels inside and observed that the cake was still affected by gravity. This scientist thought he had proved once and for all that squirrels have nothing to with gravity, but in fact what he had done was inadvertently prove the existence of interior squirrels.

Because all mass is attracted to squirrels, at the center of every mass is a squirrel or many squirrels. All celestial bodies have interior squirrels at their’ center and this is why the cake still had gravity. In fact earth is the only known planet to have surface squirrels. Most scientists think it’s just because our atmosphere allows it, or perhaps our planet has special gravitational needs, right now we don’t really know. There has also been much dispute also about the existence of exterior squirrels which shape space time from within space it’s self. No one is quite sure how they do this, but many technologies are in development that might be able to prove the existence of exterior squirrels in our lifetime. One of these devices is a modified device that measured gravitational waves. Gravitational waves can be observed at frequency between 10−7 Hz and 1011 Hz, this is precisely the rang in which squirrels squeak. Scientists believe that using this tool they can observe the squeaks of external squirrels.

End.